#13 Parental Stress
Parental Stress
Lukas Otteson
Professor Munshell
PSYC 386-7980 Psychology of Stress
University of Maryland University College
November 18, 2018
Introduction
Nobody likes being stressed, but stress is a part of everybody’s lives. Choosing to become a parent is choosing to add new dimensions of stress to life. Parental stress doesn’t have to be unbearable, but if parents do not have the ability to cope with stress effectively, then it can run amuck in their lives and lead to consequences that are deeply problematic for parents who wish to perform their role as parents (and humans) optimally. There are ways to cope with stress and parents aren’t helpless, but being knowledgeable about parental stress could be critical for parents to understand what they’re getting into and spur them to be conscientious in preparation for their new life as a parent.
The Nature of Parental Stress
Abidin (as cited in Kennedy, 2012) proposed three domains of parental stress: parent characteristics, child characteristics, and situational/life demographics. Abidin (as cited in Kennedy, 2012) broke parent characteristics down into seven constructs related to parent functioning potentially leading to stress: a sense of competence, social isolation, attachment (emotional closeness), health, role restriction (how much the parent is restricting their freedom and ability to maintain their own identity), depression, and support from spouse/co-parent. The child characteristic domain was broken down by Abidin (as cited in Kennedy, 2012) as well, listing: distractability/hyperactivity, adaptability, parent reinforcement (how much positive reinforcement the parent receives from the child), demandingness, mood (level of disturbances), and acceptability (how much parents perceive children’s emotional characteristics to meet their expectations) as constructs which could lead to parental stress. According to Abidin (as cited in Kennedy, 2012), life stress, is stress that parents experience outside the child-parent relationship, is outside the control of the parent, and is highly correlated with overall parental stress, consisting of things like: poverty, loss of a job, socioeconomic status, financial difficulties, discrimination, and lack of social support. There are many potential sources of stress in a given person’s life. When someone becomes a parent, they are now subject to a flood of new stressors from their child itself and from their responsibilities and life changes as an individual.
There are many stressors that parents welcome into their world when they welcome children into the world. Kennedy reported that irrational thinking, or distortions, such as catastrophizing/awfulizing, black and white thinking, and global evaluation/self-drowning were significantly correlated with levels of stress and, furthermore, the more distorted thinking the students experienced, the more life stress they experienced (Kennedy, 2012). This example of the mental health of parents influencing their stress levels is part of a pattern seen in the current literature on the topic. Backing that point, it has been noted that thoughts and beliefs about themselves, as parents, and their children/child are related to high levels of stress and cognitive models of stress emphasize the fact that events do not lead to stress reactions, rather, interpretations or thoughts associated with said events do (Kennedy, 2012). This point lends itself to saying that parental health (mentally) may be a more significant predictor of parental stress than the life stress outlined before. Leigh & Milgrom and Williford et al. (as cited in Hildingsson & Thomas, 2014) report that parents who experience health or psychological problems of their own, such as depression or other psychopathology, are at greater risk for parenting stress. Digging deeper, mental health problems in childhood and adolescence are also significantly associated with parental stress (Bakoula et al., 2009). According to Mantymaa et al. and Anderson (as cited in Widarsson et al., 2012) poorer health is associated with higher levels of parental stress compared to that of parents with greater health. Parents’ mental health is clearly important to consider when looking for predictors of - and predisposition- to parental stress.
In addition to parent’s mental health, there are, of course, other aspects of life which can lead to parents becoming more easily stressed. Negative feelings, prenatally, about having a baby and the upcoming birth were found to be strongly correlated with parental stress (Hildingsson & Thomas, 2012). There is a slew of possible reasons as to why parents could feel negatively with an impending birth on the way. Parents could be doubting their readiness, competence and desire to have a child. They could be concerned about the partnership with their co-parent. According to Kennedy, the more social support parents had, the less parental stress they reported (2012). It could be important to make sure each parent is on the same page throughout the pregnancy to limit the possibility of experiencing an unbearable amount of parental stress, ensuring there will be adequate support and teamwork. It appears that parents finding a way to accept and embrace the challenges ahead of the birth could be essential in setting forth a healthy foundation for avoiding avoidable parental stress.
According to Deater-Deckard et al., Saisto et al., and Lagerberg et al. (as cited in Widarsson et al., 2012), low education levels were found to have a correlation with higher levels of stress in mothers and fathers. Less educated parents may have less healthy coping mechanisms for stress. They could have other life stress correlated with their lower education levels. At the very least, this research shows the importance of expecting parents to educate themselves when they find out that the challenge of parenting is awaiting them. That doesn’t mean that they need to get doctorates in nine months, but, surely, it wouldn’t hurt to look into parenting books and searching for knowledge that can help them with their new role as parents and how to infuse this new role into their lives most healthily.
Sometimes variables in the child itself can cause more stress for parents. Although some say that the interpretations of events and/or circumstances are the causes of parental stress rather than them themselves, they are challenges nonetheless, for any parent. Health characteristics of the child, or children, have an impact on parental stress (Kennedy, 2012). Children having health complications can stress parents financially, emotionally, when they have to support on another, and countless other dimensions of life, worse depending on whether said complication is malign or benign. Additionally, child oppositional-defiant behavior has been shown to be an especially strong predictor of parental stress (Kennedy, 2012). One can imagine how an oppositional and defiant child could push their parents’ stress buttons. A child is stressful enough if it is normally functioning and healthy. It is not hard to imagine that, with the vast variability of children and their differing health (mentally and physically), children can be a cause of their parents’ stress.
Parental stress can come from every angle. A parent’s mental health could stress both parents out. The child could (will) stress the parents. Life (its events and circumstances) will stress parents, some events and circumstances being more stressful than others. Every parent is going to experience parental stress. However, it would behoove all parents to do what they can to limit unnecessary and avoidable stress to avoid the consequences that come with excessive parental stress.
Symptoms and Consequences of Chronic Parental Stress
Parental stress is normal. That said, chronic parental stress is a recipe for suffering, for parents and children alike. Kennedy says that parent characteristic domains are a risk factor related to dysfunctional parenting behaviors and child maltreatment and that stress leads to maladaptive parenting behaviors and child psychopathology, and not distorted thinking (2012). Maladaptive parenting behaviors and child psychopathology are surely going to lead to parental stress down the road as well, illustrating what could be a vicious cycle. Deater-Deckard et al., Cooper et al., and Sepa et al. (as cited in Widarsson et al., 2012) reported that higher parental stress is associated with parental dissatisfaction, poor sleep by the child, lower family income, and lack of support. These could be caused by parental stress or vice versa, but stand as reason to develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress and parenting strategies. Parents viewing the parental role as highly stressful are associated with psychopathological symptoms and maladjustment to everyday life (Iturain et al., 2017). Again, one way or another, stress is something that parents need to learn how deal with. Fleitlich & Goodman, Ford et al., and Kapi et al. (as cited in Bakoula et al., 2009) reported that the number of accidents in a child’s life is indicative of the quality of parents’ supervision and care, levels of stress in the parents, and feelings of responsibility, possibly reflecting the child’s sense of security. Stress is tied to parents’ quality supervision and care, levels of stress, and feelings of responsibility. Stressed parents (for whatever reason) may be raising children to have a less than ideal sense of security and an increased sense of security has been shown to lower stress hormones according to Fish et al. (as cited in Bakoula et al., 2009). Bakoula et al.’s study showed that children become stressed unhappy, and insecure when their mothers are stressed and that total problems and internalizing problems during adolescence were influenced by paternal stress (2009). Parental stress can make their children stressed, unhappy, and insecure.
Chronic parental stress has consequences. Whether it be child psychopathology or parental dissatisfaction, parental stress is intertwined with many potentially volatile behaviors and situations for both the parents and children. Learning how to cope with parental stress is essential for parents who wish to truly be the best parents they can be.
Suggested Strategies to Cope with Parental Stress
Parenting is stressful. All parents are going to experience stress unique to their roles as parents. They’ll face stress from other aspects of life as well. It is critical that parents learn how to cope with parental stress (applying some strategies to other stressors in life when need be) and do what they can to prevent unnecessary and avoidable stress.
According to Fish et al. (as cited in Bakoula et al., 2009), increased sense of security lowers levels of stress hormones in the child and, in turn, improves cognitive and behavioral development. The quality of parents’ supervision and care, levels of stress in the parents, and feelings of responsibility could lead to lower levels of stress in children and children who are less stressed out might give their parents less headaches (Bakoula et al., 2009). Kucuker’s study (as cited in Kennedy, 2012) indicated that an increase in a parent’s competence in parenting abilities is tied to a decrease in parental stress. Parents simply doing what they can to improve parenting abilities may alleviate them of some stress, not shooting themselves in the feet and sometimes finding ways to make things easier for themselves. Additionally, assessing maternal and paternal feelings and attitudes about the pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period during pregnancy is important for understanding parental stress one year after birth and health care providers’ investigation of parents’ prenatal feelings is important in order to promote early identification of hindrances in the psychic transition to parenthood and help with the coping of the normal stresses of parenting (Hildingsson & Thomas, 2014). Parents might benefit from identifying their worries and working through them. Widarsson et al. advise that parents without a parental role model, with a poor sense of competence, or both should have support, according to their needs, provided to them (2012). This would entail an assumption that parents seek out professional advice in preparation for birthing and raising a child, not a crazy idea. Bakoula et al. write that because maternal and paternal stress are intertwined and influence each other’s perceptions and functioning in life, and are reversible, intervention at their level could help to prevent and/or improve child psychopathology (2009). Even after the birth, parents can still get help to better help themselves in their pursuit to be more competent as parents. Furthermore, both parents being trained to deal with stressful situations could lend itself to creating a more favorable home environment for the whole family’s benefit (Bakoula et al., 2009). Parents learning to better deal with stress, in general, could lend itself to helping them with parental stress immensely. Clinicians assistance of parents in order to decrease distorted thinking may decrease parental stress and, as a result, decrease the risk of negative parenting behaviors and child psychopathology (Kennedy, 2012). Parents could stand to benefit greatly from seeking professional help before bearing the responsibilities and life changes that come from bearing children. Parents who scored higher in authoritative educational styles and felt more rewarded in their parenting roles presented fewer psychopathological symptoms and less maladjustment, while more permissive and authoritarian parents with more stressful perceptions of their roles showed more significant psychopathological symptoms and maladjustment to everyday life (Iturain et al., 2017). It may behoove parents to educate themselves to develop an optimal parenting style and lessen stressful perceptions of their roles as parents. Gwen Dewar suggests that parents take parenting classes; analyze what goes wrong and make a deliberate and conscious effort to decide what to do about it next time (trial and error); adjust time expectations; try to view things more objectively and detach a little bit when things go bad; develop cognitive empathy (imagining what would make someone feel better) rather than affective empathy (feeling how someone feels and causing stress); stop the calculating of hours, worrying about tomorrow, and focusing instead on acceptance and making the best of things when trying to get children to sleep; have calm, upbeat, constructive conversations about emotions to help children develop strong social skills, empathy, and self-control; pursue meaningful happiness (reconnecting with experiences, people, and goals that really matter to them) to block toxic stress from reprogramming DNA and increasing risk of stress-related disease; and exercise to decrease stress (2016). That may be a lot to digest, but becoming a parent doesn’t happen overnight (despite the feeling one may get when discovering pregnancy) and parents have time to do what needs to be done and wrap their heads around what that will entail when their child is born.
2 Potential Questions the Audience May Ask
Will these suggestions make parental stress disappear? No, these suggestions cannot make parental stress non-existent. Stress is part of the job as a parent. That being said, these suggestions can help parents prepare for children and cope with parental stress. There is so much stress involved in parenting and the suggested strategies to cope with parental stress seems like work too, why can’t parenting be easier? Humans required parental investment is great and it is understandable to be averse to committing to anything asking as much of you as parenting does. Maybe parenting isn’t for everyone. However, some of these strategies can help anyone, parent or not. It wouldn’t hurt to learn how to cope with stress more effectively and better one’s self before deciding whether or not to reproduce. Some people know they want to be a parent but just don’t feel competent or ready to be a parent; some of these strategies can help them get over that lack of confidence keeping them from pursuing what could be one of the best decisions they ever made (and stressful). What is clear is that everyone can stand to benefit from learning to cope with stress better, both children and parents in particular for the purposes of this paper.
Conclusion
Parenting presents its own set of stressful challenges; it is no trivial responsibility. There is the inevitability of life stress in any given parent’s life. On top of that, there are the challenges that their own mental health and decision-making can cause, leading to further stress. Then, there is the vast variability between individual children and the differences in them that can be sources of parental stress. All of these sources of stress while trying to do something as difficult and delicate as parenting can be a daunting task. Chronic parental stress can lead to child psychopathology, parental dissatisfaction, and a generally undesirable and unhealthy family life, which will find its way into affecting other domains of life. Fortunately, there are a bevy of strategies for coping with stress and a similar amount of strategies for parenting itself that should alleviate the degree to which parents allow stress to run amuck in their lives. There are strategies to cope with stress and for parenting, but implementing them into practice is easier said than done. Dealing with stress is a challenge in itself. Parenting is a special source of stress. It is understandable to look at a task as intimidating as this and shudder at the thought of pursuing a life as a parent. However, anyone with the desire to lead a full, meaningful life is going to need to learn to cope with stress effectively. This research is reason to prioritize preparation for parenthood and development of healthy coping mechanisms for stress for prospective parents and those lucky enough to already have parental stress to reference when considering parental strategies. Stress is simply a part of life. It’s just a bigger part of a parent’s life. Parental stress may seem like Goliath, but the parents that are David can overcome the seemingly impossible odds by throwing rocks at their stressors with a slingshot (making sure that they are able to cope with stress healthily and have parenting strategies designed to minimize unnecessary stress).
References
Bakoula, C., Veltsista, A., Gika, A., Chrousos, G. P., & Kolaitis, G. (n.d.). Parental stress affects the emotions and behaviour of children up to adolescence: A Greek prospective, longitudinal study. Stress, 12(6), 486–498. https://doi-org.ezproxy.umuc.edu/10.3109/10253890802645041
Dewar, G. (2016). Parenting stress: 10 evidence-based tips for making life better. Retrieved from https://www.parentingscience.com/parenting-stress-evidence-based-tips.html
Hildingsson, I., & Thomas, J. (2014). Parental stress in mothers and fathers one year after birth. Journal of Reproductive & Infant Psychology, 32(1), 41–56. https://doi-org.ezproxy.umuc.edu/10.1080/02646838.2013.840882
Ituráin, S., López-Goñi, J. J., Arteaga, A., Deusto, C., & Fernández-Montalvo, J. (2017). Educational styles, parenting stressors and psychopathological symptoms in parents of adolescents with high-risk behaviours. Drugs: Education, Prevention & Policy, 24(2), 163–169. https://doi-org.ezproxy.umuc.edu/10.1080/09687637.2016.1191062
Kennedy, D. (2012). The relationship between parental stress, cognitive distortions, and child psychopathology. Retrieved from https://digitalcommons.pcom.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1205&context=psychology_dissertations
Widarsson, M., Engström, G., Rosenblad, A., Kerstis, B., Edlund, B., & Lundberg, P. (2013). Parental stress in early parenthood among mothers and fathers in Sweden. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences, 27(4), 839–847. https://doi-org.ezproxy.umuc.edu/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2012.01088.x
